Brevity is the Soul of WitStream

Fruity & Cocoa Pebbles are now joined by Cupcake Pebbles! In case you can't make it through 1 second of wakefulness without tasting cake!

ROB DELANEYabout 49 minutes ago

Teaching financial workshop 4 seniors w/ dementia @ Culver City Shakey's 2nite. Bring all your $, no pesky relatives. 8pm. I help u!

DAVE HILLabout 54 minutes ago

Trying to find a University of Corona sweatshirt here in Mexico but so far coming up empty. This trip is ruined!

RYAN ANDERSONabout 59 minutes ago

A death row inmate in Ohio is on suicide watch after an overdose of medication. THIS IS AMERICA. YOU DON'T DIE UNTIL WE WANT YOU TO, DAMMIT.

APRIL RICHARDSONabout 1 hour ago

Trying to call my Nana on her birthday & getting a BUSY SIGNAL. It's like I'm at a museum using some Phones of the Past interactive display.

CORY CAVINabout 1 hour ago

Office conversation I just had as I pointed to my nose: "You know how cocaine had that burn?" #actuallytalkingaboutenergydrinks

ANDRES DU BOUCHETabout 1 hour ago

The Hurt Locker?? What is that, a movie about how miserable i was in the 8th grade? Ha! Seriously My folks forced me to defuse bombs then.

CHAPIN CLARKabout 1 hour ago

Why doesn't anyone want to talk about the fact that the Toyota Prius burns less fossil fuel very, very fast?

BRIDEY ELLIOTTabout 1 hour ago

eating a mozzarella panini is counts as taking a shower as long as you're naked, right?

RAINN WILSONabout 1 hour ago

Sarah Palin admitted she used to get health care in Canada & Glenn Beck admitted he used to get his human baby sacrifices from Canada.

UNCLE DYNAMITEabout 1 hour ago

They just found the body of the Cyprian president. No word yet on how Hilary's exhaustive search for Bill is going.

ELI BRADENabout 1 hour ago

Kris Kross now just resorting to threats of violence to make innocent bystanders jump jump.

JOHN MOEabout 1 hour ago

I have an idea for an amazing story but don't know if it's a This American Life story, a New Yorker story, a Steve Buscemi movie or dumb.

RYAN ANDERSONabout 1 hour ago

3D TVs are only going to enhance my secret fear of being poked in the eye while watching pornography.

CHELSEA PERETTIabout 1 hour ago

Does every1 do that thing where u trot around the house fake laughing to entertain yrself?

DAVE HILLabout 2 hours ago

I am not "getting" the "money" here in "Mexico."

MATT SCHNEIDERMANabout 2 hours ago

just a heads up: if you're scanning through my FB Friends and see pics of children -- i'm not friends with any children.

MATT SCHNEIDERMANabout 2 hours ago

Anyone else get momentary full-body shivers when on Twitter imagining his/her boss approaching and seeing you're not working?

RYAN ANDERSONabout 2 hours ago

The recession has brought on a rise in vasectomies. The recession and logic.

UNCLE DYNAMITEabout 2 hours ago

If I posted a picture of my shoes, you'd probably perish in a shivering vortex of hammering orgasms. You sick, disgusting fetishist!

MJ OFFENabout 2 hours ago

It has come to my distraction that LA is heavy on Beautiful People. My sexual orientation is swinging with the door of this coffee shop.

ADAM CARLabout 2 hours ago

Finally saw 2012, a movie which postulates that when the world ends, military leaders will continue to take orders from Oliver Platt.

SARA BENINCASAabout 2 hours ago

I'll say it straight up: I WANT to see Rahm Emanuel naked. Bring it.

MARK NORMANDabout 2 hours ago

I wonder if anyone has ever yelled out "What a riot!" during an actual riot.

GABRIEL MARCUSabout 2 hours ago

Maybe it's the insulin not talking but I'm in a diabetic coma.

TODD LEVINabout 2 hours ago

In Marrakech. Tonight, my friends and I are going to the discotheque to attend a concert by Morocco's #1 recording artist, Crazy Frog.

ELI BRADENabout 3 hours ago

I've been informed beet consumption and/or standard female anatomical functions can cause dark red stool as well. The More You Know!

GABE LIEDMANabout 3 hours ago

what r some funny songs with really gross lyrics, along the lines of "too close" "whisper song" "my neck, my back" "put it in your mouth"?

ELI BRADENabout 3 hours ago

If it's yellow, leave it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. If it's dark red, soon you will be dead. My best to your family.

SEAN O'CONNORabout 3 hours ago

Oh neckbeard, you're really unnecessary.